Yesterday was long.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Yesterday was long.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
When you enter the box , first you see the lights and then the floor and then the curtains – maybe.
When I entered the black box I smelled the black.
Oh. Yes, of course. Here are the curtains, the boxes, the scruffed floor that proves it’s true.
When you enter the box it is a trial, a transformation, a test.
It is for everyone. Move. Reach. Feel.
Hurt. Scream. Love. Stretch. Know.
In the black box I learn how far my puzzle pieces are from the center of my snap apple puzzle. I am marked and measured in my native language that goes deeper than the words.
We stand in a circle at readiness. The knees are slightly bent, the hands are loose, the feet need to be ready to spring forward. We are trying to learn telepathy.
My body and mind remember, and slide easily to that place, aware from the center seeing/not seeing. Almost. It is almost easy. I can no longer see behind me. I shut that down when I wasn’t in the box. Here in the circle now it feels like a withered arm being asked to lift.
I try not to hate myself for that.
Split seconds – speed of thought.
My will is stronger than the meat and the muscles, but gravity is not surprised. I go up but barely. It’s a victory. A quiet one.
It shouldn't have been a battle.
The other 11 are trying to understand the place where all thought is no thought. I know that place – I fall back there like a bead in a well oiled groove, but those hard fought four inches – straight back, knees up, no bounce –was a ten year war played out in the space of that neuron-synapse interaction.
Here is the trick to telepathy in the black box, the fact that you have to focus is a given, but it will only work if you actually care. Right now- this first day – it is still a child’s game to them.
The Black Box though, is the entire world to me.
I’ve just spent a lot of time pretending that it’s not. Enough time for gravity to stake a higher claim on the meat, but the black still has my soul. It’s my alphabet.
It doesn’t take much for the Black Box to strip me down past the excuses, measure the damage. It exposes things caught between the lights and the floor.So much more complicated than Scylla and Charybdis