And I wasn't brave for a large series of previous yesterdays.
And there are consequences for that.
I can only accept being afraid for so long and then when I look at the bottom where you are either broken or in denial, I tend to get very, very, angry.
But I am still afraid, and I will go there anyway.
Mostly because if I wait until I am not afraid, I may find that I am already broken.
And I will not tolerate that.
So I WILL go tonight, and find the light peeking out in between the scary, scary people and see if I can be there without self immolating.
It's never God that smites you with lightening when you go to services, it's your own internal combustion engine powered by whatever you power it with. Tiger, tiger Burning Bright.
So tonight will be Facing Consequences 1/Spontaneous Combustion 0.
The Odds however, are split between quietly sneaking out early vs being seen.
I have spent the better part of the year practicing invisibility. Now it's time to stop.
Even if I'm not ready. Especially if I'm not ready.