Because yesterday I was not.And I wasn't brave for a large series of previous yesterdays.
And there are consequences for that.
I can only accept being afraid for so long and then when I look at the bottom where you are either broken or in denial, I tend to get very, very, angry.
But I am still afraid, and I will go there anyway.
Mostly because if I wait until I am not afraid, I may find that I am already broken.
And I will not tolerate that.
So I WILL go tonight, and find the light peeking out in between the scary, scary people and see if I can be there without self immolating.
It's never God that smites you with lightening when you go to services, it's your own internal combustion engine powered by whatever you power it with. Tiger, tiger Burning Bright.
So tonight will be Facing Consequences 1/Spontaneous Combustion 0.
The Odds however, are split between quietly sneaking out early vs being seen.
I have spent the better part of the year practicing invisibility. Now it's time to stop.
Even if I'm not ready. Especially if I'm not ready.
3 comments:
DO IT! Whatever it is, leap head first and crash into people and wave your hands in the air like you just dont care.
You can do ANYTHING and ENDURE! We know this already about you. Chin up, no apologies, unless you truly owe them. I lend my mostly immoral support, since you would be truly bored to tears by my moral support.
I, for one, can attest to your marvellous bravery.
Of course, there is the slight problem that I stared at my own demon (not the cute one; the big, mean, nasty one that knows all my tender spots and likes to poke them) and promptly came down with an Extremely Soar Throat, complete with Aches and Pains. In other words, A Very Reasonable Excuse not to do what must be done.
But it will be done. Just maybe not in the expected way.
share a similar fear.
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